Random Acts Of Insanity

Crazy day. Well not really. Work was interesting. Crazy Mel threw a fit in the van while I was driving him to arts and crafts. Thank God he was all the way in the back, and the only one with me because I would have crashed or something. I fucking cleaned the whole house today. 6 retarted people and a million staff members in one house 24/7 is actually kinda gross considering no one really CLEANS. Ugh.

So yea, now i'm sitting on Mike Bells computer while him and Josh play guitar...can't watch tv cuz its too loud. Grr.I have a giant headache that wont go away. I think i'm stressed out. Or depressed. Maybe both. I dunno. I just wanna smoke pot and pass out.


xoxo

Last dollar spent: Coffee at Quik Check

Last cigarette: about an hour ago

Last beverage: water

Last movie: part of walk the line

Last phone call: KT

Last song played: Rebel Yell-Billy Idol

Last bubble bath: i have no idea

Last time you cried: a while..i almost felt like to today though

Last thing you ate: mama's homemade chicken soup

8 Have You Evers

Have you ever dated a best friend: Nope
Have you ever kissed somebody and regretted it: Nope
Have you ever lost someone you loved: too many people
Have you ever been drunk and threw up: absolutely
Have you ever ran away: yep

7 States You've Been To.

1. New Jersey
2. Colorado
3. California
4. New York
5. Oregon
6. Arizona
7. Nevada


6 Things You've Done Today:

1. made coffee
2. smoked
3. went shopping with Kellen
4. went to KT's house
5. talked to marisa forever
6. photoshopped


5 of Your Favorite Things in No Order.

1. my mom
2. peanut butter
3. summer
4. pictures
5. my friends

4 People You Can Tell [almost] Anything To in No Order..

1. Katah
2. Marisa
3. Booze
4. Aj

3 Things That Make You Smile.

1. weed
2. some people
3. my days off

2 Things You Want To Do Before You Die.

1. skydive
2. Be Happy

1 Thing That You Cannot Live Without

1. That thing.

Feelings suck. I wish i didnt have them. I wish I could just say fuck it and keep going but it's not as easy as it sounds. Matt and I talked about it for a while and he brought up some very good points, and I trust his judgement because he knows how I feel. Also cuz he is a guy and he knows how guys think. But what do I do now? I can't keep thinking about it. It's just a waste of energy and stress that I dont want/need. Things take time I know, and like mama always says "everything happens for a reason". I'm just tired of things NOT going the way I want them to. No matter what I still want to be friends, because in the end friends are more important than anything else.

My mind is in an endless rut.
My feelings are torn to shreds.
My shadow has grown darker and my heart has been broken.

The feelings I can't deny rip a gash in my life.

I scream so loud but no one can hear me. I look for a familiar face in a sea of strangers but all I can find is you.

Sew my feelings back together.
Wipe the tears from my eyes.

When will I be heard?
When will all the strangers disappear?



~This one is a little old but whatever.

I wake up, I look around, and I see a world that hates me.
Hates me for who I am, what I want to be, the way I talk and the clothes I wear.

I see a close minded nation of people, just hypocrits who think they are going to get into heaven by going to church and praying. Then they turn right around playing devils advocate. Laughing at people, mocking, not caring.

I don't expect society to get better. I only think i'm going to get stronger, because, we can't even find a cure for the common cold.

After this...everything else...is silent.

What the fuck?! Now I can't even take a shower without getting bitched at. My dad is fucking losing his mind. I really need out of this house...but none of my friends are responsible enough to get an apartment with me. The ones that are already have a place. I'm also getting kicked out of my room for the weekend because my sisters are here and they are too damn cheap to get hotels.

I'm on the verge of moving into a cardboard box. I'll fix it up real nice though...some tags on the side..i can use a milk crate for a couch...maybe some nice used clothes from the salvation army. I'll have it made.

I'm gonna go post the rest of my poems now.

Fuck you and goodnight

Well...here I am...I said I would never use LiveJournal again but I guess I changed my mind. It's been well over a year so I figured I would just start a whole new one. Why not right?

Yea. Well Thats that.

Today was tiring. I have been up since 7:30. I did buy a new laptop today. That was exciting. I also found $12 on the ground in the diner parking lot. That was exciting too. I guess overall my day wasn't half bad. I'm going to bed now.

xoxo

Any boy would love to be obsessed over for his own gain and machismo.
But who is this AVOCATION draped across your shoulder?
Who is this CARNAL DIVERSION clinging to your arm?

Do you feel anything when she touches your SKIN...

...besides the desire to jump into her bed?

This excuse for a possible blow job and some tonsil hockey.

Coquette
Philanderer

A good lust match to light your sedative, your narcotics
To get you through your day.
You distraction from your real longing for something more.
Your substitute.
Your slut.

"God it was strange to see you again. Introduced by a friend. Smiled and said yes, I think we have met before..." ~Stars

It was funny how the two of you met. It had been so long and then all of a sudden you were in her life the way she had dreamed a long time ago. There was something there for a while. You always knew what was wrong, what she was thinking, what scared her. She was so amazed by you. Three days later you were gone and she became a shadow. Do you even remember her name?

Of course you do. You came to her house a few days ago. You took her out late at night and brought her into darkness. Strapped her down.

He watched you do it. He always said he would take a bullet for her. No. He stood behind you and laughed as you cut open her chest and tore out her heart.

You left her there.

Screaming.
Crying.
Lifeless.
Cold.